Reading:
Artist of the Floating World and Don Quijote
Watching: Amélie again,
probably, and I hope I stay awake this time (note: not a fault of the
film)
Moving: pretty
much nothing
House: pretty much nothing
Garden: picked the pumpkin. Pumpkins,
any cockatiel (or maybe just mine) can tell you, are the scariest thing
in the world. |
28 September 2002: List
Official Start of the List of Stuff I Just Don't Get:
- Wearing shoes paler than your hose. Especially navy hose with taupe
shoes. Also brown or black hose with white shoes.
- Wearing white shoes.
- Wearing a skirt that's wider than it is long. If you need the wide,
you can't handle the long.
- Wearing shorts whose hem is above the point at which your thighs stop
touching. Thighs touching is not a crime (it will recommence being one
when mine have ceased to, so watch it), but when friction works the
cloth up the inside of the thigh so the short-leg is longer on the outsides
and higher on the insides, that look just emphasizes the fat. Really.
- Skorts
- Acid-washed denim. This is, thankfully, out of fashion. However,
- That new denim that looks like it's been dragged behind a truck is
not
- Low-rise jeans that show the high back of thong underwear especially
when the lisa-annoyer in question is seated. Please stand up. Please.
Because I'm not even over the
- Bra straps with spaghetti-strapped top look, though a pretty bra and
small bosom make it tolerable.
- Long hair with bangs or how this is different from a mullet.
- Smoking while on oxygen. I think I've mentioned this.
- Panhandling while smoking while on oxygen.
- The person ahead of me in line today who waited until she was at the
cashier to ask her companion (not in line with her, involving shouting)
which of two pink baby outfits he preferred. Not at all to my surprise,
he had no opinion. She lay them on the counter, pondering, and I suggested,
out loud-- which, though rude, renews my faith in my self qua
loud abrasive self--that while she decided I could just make my purchase.
(She bought the footie pajamas instead of the sack thing. Though not
quickly.)
- Not fumbling with your parcels and so forth to extract bus fare while
you're waiting in line so that when the bus does come, you make the
bus even later.
- Saying "waiting on line" instead of "waiting in line."
Regionalism? Or just stupid? Maybe a regionalism. The really stupid
thing is saying
- "Where are you at?" or "Where is it at?" This
sounds crass; furthermore the "at" is implied in the "where."
Similarly,
- "When was the last time...?" No. "What was the last
time..." or "when did you last [x]?"
- Greer Garson as Elizabeth Bennet. Wrong, wrong, wrong. (However, Lawrence
Olivier as Mr. Darcy is yummy.)
- Bumpersticker philosophy. Among them, "Christians aren't perfect,
just forgiven." This is pretentious. Also, "Mean people suck."
Well, maybe, but saying so makes you mean yourself, see? (Bumperstickers
announcing a band or a school or even a sports team aren't necessarily
bad. But "If God isn't a Broncos fan, why are sunsets blue and
orange?" is bad.)
- Long hair with bangs. What is the difference between this and a mullet?
I don't know
- Outie belly buttons. I know this is something you have no control
over, but ick. Happily, I have seen only two in my life
- Complicated hair processes that are allowed to grow out. Roots look
worse than bland hair; weaves starting two inches from the scalp look
worse than thin hair
- Similarly, fake nails with millimeters of real nail at the base
- Not picking up after your dog who has just defecated in my flower
garden
- Mowing my grass. Damn it, these twelve feet are my property; those
three feet are yours. Long grass has long roots and thus needs less
water. Furthermore, it's mine. Geroff
- Watering grass when it's not your watering day
- Watering your grass such that your sprinkler sprinkles the sidewalk
on its way to the easement. It's called drought, people
- Why Noah Webster converted "plough" to "plow"
but not "drought" to "drowt." Because it's ugly?
But "plow" is ugly too. I didn't understand how to pronounce
"draught" for years. And there are two pronunciations for
"slough" as a noun and yet a third as a verb. I love
this language
- Watering grass
- Sod companies growing lots and lots of sod in northern Colorado during
a drought when food producers have no water left and stand to waste
the water they've paid dearly for all season long if their crops die.
- Growing lots and lots of sod
- "Covenant communities" that require sod and sprinkler systems
in the high arid plains
- "Covenant communities" that forbid clotheslines for purported
risk to property values
- Preferring electric-dried sheets to air-dried sheets. This is not
just wrong but heretical
- Drying dishes with electricity
- Drying dishes by hand (even few enough to fit in a single rack)
- McMansions
- NPR's Car Talk. I stand to be disowned from Charenton for this opinion,
but it stands
- Most deejays at all
- Hence, commercial radio
- Not using the mute button, if one is available, during television
commercials. Too bad such a thing is impratical for radio
- Colorado Public Radio using an AM station for talk. Leaving the FM
station for music is fine, and maybe talk doesn't need to be in stereo,
but it does need to be audible without static. Oops
- Automatic transmission, except I have a little bit of sympathy for
you if you're regularly in stop-and-go traffic
- Stop-and-go traffic
- Traffic
- "Satin" string Christmas tree ornaments
- Why squirrels can't eat one tomato in five parts but instead take
five bites out of five different tomatoes
- How squirrels can be so cute yet so despicable. Couldn't they be scaled,
to make hating them easier?
- That spiders do not understand which side of the door they should
stay on
- Why I can't tesser between Denver and my goddaughter even just a couple
of times a month
This list will be updated. Oh yes.
|