Only the former two have happened at work in the last week, making Dot Org the fourth of the seven, give or take, offices I have worked in that I have moved. Scheduling wasn't a complete move, but a half-move for three weeks twice a year for the seven I worked there; offices at Millstone were always moving but happily not during my summers; LRI moved just before I started temping there; I did move MetraHealth Marketing almost single-handedly; C&A didn't (making moving almost the only humiliation I did not suffer there); and ATK was fairly painless as I was directly responsible only for my own area. At Dot Org I packed my supervisor's office, as she was out of the office, the central files and library, and my own cube. But I did it over several days.
Today I unpacked the library and my supervisor's office in a fraction of the time it had taken me to box it (that's a bad metaphor; unpacking in 7/8 the time it took to pack wouldn't be impressive), but I was grumpy. Grumpiness, fretfulness, and most kinds of emotional malaise dissipate the fastest and healthiest with physical energy.
EA's mother taped me, unbeknownst to me, as part of a child psychology class she was doing for her nursing degree. Color me betrayed. And I had liked Mrs. A, too. Anyway, she let me read what she had written (which did make me feel better); one bit was about how I cleaned my room when I was angry. She assumed I did it to restore order to my life when it was turbulent. Stupid grown-up. I did it so I wouldn't have to beat anybody up.
Also Mrs. A played me the tape she'd made. She had to have asked interview questions, but that bit I don't remember. Of the tape I remember only my pronunciation of "worst" (modifying "taste," as in that of the solution that bound my caps to my front teeth, after a fall off the jungle gym in third grade). Probably because of backward jump off a deck into a swimming pool the summer before third grade that resulted in three stitches to my chin, my lower jaw was misaligned. Speech therapy had corrected my l, s, th, and I don't know what other letters, but only the eventual realignment of my jaw corrected my post-vowel r. Inside my head I sounded fine; but this was the first time I heard myself outside my head, and as the tape showed, my "worst" was "wust."
</ASIDE>
So I unpacked. That helped my mood. Also I had remembered to bring music with me and so I listened to that during lunch: the most recent of three autobiographical tapes I have made. It chronicles descent into a long blue period and my rising out of it; it is an excellent way to draw myself out of a similar, if not as desperate, mood.
Extreme |
More Than Words |
The blue period began with my breaking up with someone and regretting it |
Peter Gabriel |
Don't Break This Rhythm |
Despite the breaking up, I didn't want the friendship to end |
Eric Clapton |
Promises |
However, it did |
Indigo Girls |
Uncle John's Band |
I saw the Indigo Girls that summer. They didn't sing this, but this song is a paean to peace and joy, which I needed |
Joni Mitchell |
Don't Interrupt the Sorrow |
Then I got worse |
James |
Your Next Lover |
Then I met a lust-object |
They Might Be Giants |
Birdhouse in Your Soul |
Then I met ABW |
Cowboy Junkies |
Cheap Is How I Feel |
Then I did something stupid |
Jesus Jones |
Are You Satisfied? |
No |
Laurie Anderson |
Smoke Rings |
Introspective, a bit mournful |
Cat Stevens |
Sad Lisa |
Was I ever |
So I felt much better after listening to that. Also I wrote a letter to DEW; I try to write her a few times a month. Also today I wore the shirt I finally found to replace a nearly nine-year-old Perfect White Shirt that is now still Perfect except Worn and Delicate. Excellent unpacking garb, mind you. But I was glad to be so continuously reminded I had found it.
Denver is really beautiful in the autumn, so the weather helped my mood.
Plus Dot Org seems to like me.
When I got home I had lots of email from DEDBG, which I didn't respond to as fully as she deserves, and I took a walk. Both are Good Things.
HAO has given me Upsy Daisy, a best-of compilation of XTC. I listened to it on my walk. I am glad to have "Senses Working Overtime," which I haven't had since I (probably stupidly) gifted away my vinyl English Settlement. The only other XTC I know is from Oranges and Lemons. I don't think Upsy Daisy will inspire me to fill in the holes of my XTC collection, but I was pleased to listen to "Mayor of Simpleton" and just grin with remembered pleasure instead of bitter regret. (In addition to "More Than Words," SSP sang "Mayor" on the above occasion. I knew I was Better because I was happy for him that he had found someone who inspired him to sing, not just play his guitar, in public. When you can be happy that your ex- has found someone better for him than you were, you are Recovered and Over. Particularly and maybe only if he has done so before you.)
Also on my walk, I saw a magpie, western flickers, and a bunny (I have missed bunnies); met a red Golden Retriever named Dusty, two Labs who were too busy to stop to chat, another Lab who was very happy to meet me (walking is an excellent source of canine RDA), and other, lesser dogs; and finally saw in the mountains the four levels of mountains that Willa Cather mentions in Song of the Lark. Hitherto I had only ever seen three.
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Last modified 7 October 1997
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