Movie Ratings

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Lisa's latest brilliant idea: finally, a practical movie rating

I suggest we introduce a movie rating of C.M.: unlike NC-17 and all those which judge people on no better criterion than their age, this is actually an indication of a movie's content. Of course, not all the content, or I hope not all the content, but clearly the most important element in a film: whether the dog dies.

Also, songs.

The Cowboy Junkies, "Lay It Down," Lay It Down:
"He shot his dog out in an open field; the rest, he let them steal."

 

Rated CM (Canine Mortality):

  • Alien 3 (so PLT says)
  • Apocalypse Now
  • Badlands
  • Buffalo 66
  • The Cook, the Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover
  • Dragonseed (and much worse)
  • A Fish Called Wanda (Triple CM)
  • Insomnia (the Scandinavian version. I wonder if the U.S. remake keeps that element.)
  • Jaws
  • Jurassic Park II: Lost World
  • My Life as a Dog
  • National Lampoon's Vacation
  • Of Mice and Men
  • Old Yeller
  • Richard III (presumably)
  • Shao-Lin Temple
  • Sounder
  • Titanic (do you think even the first-class dogs survived?)
  • To Kill a Mockingbird
  • The Unbearable Lightness of Being
  • The War of the Roses
  • Wonder Boys

Rated TBA (Teddy Bear Abuse):

  • A.I. (Artificial Intelligence)
  • Amélie
  • Desk Set
  • Love Actually
  • Mystery Train

Rated PM (almost as bad as CM):

Rated AM:

Rated EM:

(List too long.) If equine mortality bothers you, don't watch war movies or westerns.

Any suggestions?

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Last modified 4 September 2004

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