9 April 1999: Aghast

I always thought that if I stopped I would stop gradually, fading away like the interminable minutes marking time before a long-awaited journey. If you stop to notice, they never pass; only by distracting yourself do they pass at all. I'm like those minutes: notice me, and I'll stay around.

I always thought if I stopped it would be because I couldn't afford server space and am too plug-ugly stupid to figure out a free server.

I always thought if I stopped it would be because someone found my page whom I didn't want to or whom I did want to. Someone, anyway.

I always thought that if I stopped abruptly it would be because I was forced to.

I never thought the force would be me.

This resolution, as with many others, might not stick. Because I misfile, because I'm careless, because I'm the one who misfiled in the first place. I caused this through my carelessness, and it might be my spinelessness that prompts me to continue.

That or my rampant egoism.