Okay, this was the freakiest fucking dream ever. My usual anxiety theme, but instead of its suddenly being the end of the semester and my realizing I forgot to attend some number of my courses, something totally...not. The emotion this dream evoked was so powerful that despite waking twice, the waking became part of the dream, intense relief, but followed by yet another tragedy. I have had high school and college anxiety dreams, about social and academic problems, I have dreamed about my family's deaths, about torture and pain and loneliness and the screaming heebie-jeebies (whose origin I just looked up: coined in 1923 in a comic strip, benign).
I have a pen with a light in the tip so I can write in the otherwise dark. I often write my dreams, because writing helps me remember them and remembering them helps me figure out what my brain is working on. Plus they're fun. Sometimes. Sometimes they're fun because I laugh at myself: still mulling over that?
This was horrifying. The betrayal was deep, it was all my fault, people would shun me in all possible ways, I had hurt people I loved. I woke up sweating and shivering.
And what was the dream? I had, again, omitted to follow through on an obligation, and the repercussions would ripple everywhere to everyone. What I had done was to forget that I was supposed to perform in a duologue production of "Guys and Dolls" (which I don't know and have never seen in any wise). My stratagem of not writitng it down at the time, or when I got up, or at all during the day until now, has served its purpose: I now remember almost nothing about it except the strength and the anguish of my remorse.
What the fuck was that about, I'd like to know.