Reading: E.L. Konigsburg, About the B'nai Bagels

Moving: Not a whit. Ask me if I feel guilty.

Listening: KBCO Studio C and Dave Matthews Band, "Say Goodbye"

3 February 2000: Holy Fool

RDC cued Crash in the car so the next time I started up, my favorite song (of theirs) would be playing. That's "Say Goodbye."

For one thing, the Dave Matthews Band will always mean Santa Fe to me. Crash was still pretty new to us and Under the Table and Dreaming and Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds Live at Luther College completely new. For the five or six hour drive thither and back, and driving around town (of which we did most, since I'm the Designated Driver of our bunch), we listened to Dave Matthews, Dave Matthews, and some more Dave Matthews. Some Big Head Todd and the Monsters, Santana, and Cowboy Junkies, sure, but mostly Dave Matthews.

Despite my getting a cold, that was a good trip, one of the best. Once everyone'd given their paper, we were just all on vacation in Santa Fe together. I've never been on vacation with friends before--been on vacation staying with friends, gotten together over summer break, shared the bliss of the scant post-exams pre-parental pick-up hours at school, but never away anywhere with more than one person. (RRP and I went to Cape Cod together, but she was ill and she went only to humor me.) Santa Fe and Dave Matthews, to the point that when I'm in the gym listening to Eddie Vedder croon (ha!) "Even Flow" into my ears with the undercurrent of KBCO in the room behind me and Dave Matthews comes on the radio, I turn off Pearl Jam and go back to Santa Fe, even those places we weren't listening to music, like dinner at Pasqual's, the Georgia O'Keeffe museum, and the patio of the Hotel San Francisco.

Musically, I don't think this is their best, and grammatically, it leaves a lot to be desired, but since feeling is first / who pays any attention / to the syntax of things / will never wholly kiss you. I like the subject and the passion.

"Say Goodbye"

So here we are tonight you and me together
The storm outside, the fire is bright
And in your eyes I see what's on my mind
You've got me wild turned around inside
And then desire, see, is creeping up heavy inside here
And know you feel the same way I do now
Now let's make this an evening
Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight
Stay here with me, love, tonight just for an evening
When we make our passion pictures
You and me twist up secret creatures
And we'll stay here
Tomorrow go back to being friends

Go back to being friends
But tonight let's be lovers
We kiss and sweat
We'll turn this better thing to the best
Of all we can offer. Just a rogue kiss
Tangled tongues and lips
See me this way
I'm turning and turning for you
Girl, just tonight

Float away here with me
An evening just wait and see
But tomorrow go back to your man
I'm back to my world
And we're back to being friends
Wait and see me,
Tonight let's do this thing
All we are is wasting hours until the sun comes up it's all ours
On our way here
Tomorrow go back to being friends
Go back to being friends
Tonight let's be lovers, say you will
And hear me call, soft-spoken whispering love
A thing or two I have to say here
Tonight let's go all the way then
Love I'll see you
Just for this evening
Let's strip down, trip out at this
One evening starts with a kiss
Run away

And tomorrow back to being friends
LoversÉloveÉlovers
Just for tonight, one nightÉlove you
And tomorrow say goodbye
tomorrow say goodbye

---

And e.e. cummings was right:

Since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
--the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph
And death i think is no parenthesis

---

Well. I'm going to blow this mood by saying it's 8:19 and I'm off to make some dinner and watch ER, since I don't have have Beth's no-ER willpower.

Except I'm going to get even more superficial first. The gym had no water today so I shopped for a bit and sat in the Corner Bakery with About the B'nai Bagels and a cheese and tomato panini this noon. I found another of my $14.99 never-take-it-off dresses at Ross. This one is a sweatshirt kind of material, but thin, and that oatmeal kind of sweat-color. It has a hood, which I dislike, but it doesn't bother me particularly and it'll be good for nipping out of hot springs in Steamboat Springs--which are clothing optional after sunset, yippeeee! Otherwise it's straight and unwaisted and drops from shoulder to ankles in a straight line. I love it.

(RDC said we should get me some new clothes, since I dress from Ross, whither he would never stoop. I told him I didn't need new clothes but to lose some weight so I could wear the ones I have. Hence the gym membership.)

This evening I went to CostCo. I have no idea how we go through Romano cheese so quickly, since I certainly never carve large chunks off the block and eat them, no no no. I found a present for someone who reads this--sorry, HAO, it's not you--and seized it giggling. I had a Christmas--Happy Sunday--housewarming--nice to meet you present for Sara back in December and finally remembered to write down her address so I can mail it (a small it). Plus earlier HEBD finally--nine days after the fact--told me what ZBD needs for her birthday so I ordered that. And I bought catfood for the animal shelter.

One of the best things about this new job is being able to be more generous. Hmm. That "more" is probably a lie. Somewhat generous. Whatever.