27 May 1999: The Phantom Menace

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Tonight we saw "The Phantom Menace," finally! A whole week! I have assiduously avoided reading any journal with any hint of it. As soon as we got home I read up on everyone else's reviews. Sigh. Sigh for the week of entries I could read, sigh for what could have been, sigh for my nostalgia.

After work I trotted to the Pavilions, the stupid name for the new downtown "mall." It is a mall: it has a Gap, a Victoria's Secret, an Express, and an Ann Taylor. But it's not a mall: it's all outdoor--which is good, since it's downtown--and it has no stupid carts selling "As Seen on Television" products. Also it has a Barnes & Noble instead of a Waldenbooks or whatever cheesy excuse for a bookstore a mall usually has; here I waited for RDC.

Naturally I landed first in the children's section, and the first table I passed displayed Newbery books. I picked up Ella Enchanted and read and was enchanted. It is an excellent retelling of a fairy tale, with lots of backstory. The author seamlessly included magical details like fairies and centaurs without stumbling. The setting maybe didn't need so much explanation since the once-upon-a-time-ness of it is fairly well engrained in our heads, but still she handled it very well.

By the time RDC showed up, I had nearly finished it, and it was hard to tear myself away, even for wild mushroom pizza from the Corner Bakery. I told him about Kat's non-existence, which I considered a lie, versus Columbine's identity, which I didn't consider a lie. RDC talked about on-line identities and characters and simulacra and whatnot. Academically, I understood his point; emotionally, damn it, Ryan lied. On Tuesday I said I was impressed, and I am: to have been credible for so long shows some skill. But he was still lying.

I read Ella Enchanted some more until the lights went down. Previews stirred nothing in me. But the Lucasfilm logo! And the "Star Wars" logo! Why was no one else cheering? Why had I waited so long to see it? Where were the real audience?

Then the narrative began to scroll. Taxation of federation trade routes? Bad sign.

And so on. Jar-Jar Binks, the Prissy of Star Wars. An immaculate birth. Luke Skywalker raised by an aunt and uncle although his pristinely conceived father had no siblings--yet.

Eh. I might have liked it more with a different audience. I might have liked it more had RDC not primed me with a warning about Jar-Jar Binks and the other ethnic stereotypes. I might have liked it more had it not been so damn stupid, its target audience aside. I didn't expect the earth to move, but I didn't expect the whole galaxy to petrify and sink within me either.

I can't wait for Episodes II and III.

 

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