Sunday, 1 January 2006

2006 reading plan

The first several books are out of alphabetical order because they are bookclub selections or books I'm currently reading.


  • David Crystal, The Stories of English
  • Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
  • Le Ly Hayslip, When Heaven and Earth Changed Places
  • Daniel Mason, The Piano Tuner
  • Phillip Roth, The Plot Against America
  • Lynne Withey, Dearest Friend: A Life of Abigail Adams
  • Kobo Abe, Box Man
  • Kingsley Amis, Lucky Jim
  • John Banville, The Sea
  • Djuna Barnes, Nightwood
  • A. Scott Berg, Kate Remembered
  • King James Bible, King James Bible
  • Jorge Luis Borges, The Book of Imaginary Beings
  • William S. Burroughs, Naked Lunch
  • Angela Carter, Nights at the Circus
  • Ana Castillo, So Far From God
  • Ivy Compton-Burnett, Elders and Betters
  • Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves
  • Choderlos De Laclos, Les Liaisons Dangereuses
  • Anita Desai, Clear Light of Day
  • Harriet Doerr, Stones for Ibarra
  • Buchi Emecheta, Second Class Citizen
  • Louise Erdrich, Tracks
  • Janet Frame, Owls Do Cry
  • Marilyn French, The Women's Room
  • Christine Gandolfi, ed., The Women Triathlete
  • Rebecca Goldstein, The Mind-Body Problem
  • Nadine Gordimer, July's People
  • Graham Greene, The Heart of the Matter
  • Radclyffe Hall, The Well of Loneliness
  • Bessie Head, When Rain Clouds Gather
  • Patricia Highsmith, The Talented Mr. Ripley
  • Janet Hobhouse, The Furies
  • Homer, The Iliad
  • Erica Jong, Fear of Flying
  • Maxine Hong Kingston, Tripmaster Monkey
  • Gustav Klíma, Love and Garbage
  • Joy Kogawa, Obasan
  • Nicole Krauss, The History of Love
  • Margaret Laurence, The Fire-Dwellers
  • Anita Loos, Gentleman Prefer Blondes
  • Malcolm Lowry, Under the Volcano
  • Olivia Manning, The Balkan Trilogy
  • Henry Miller, The Tropic of Cancer
  • Isabel Miller, Patience and Sarah
  • Lorrie Moore, Anagrams
  • Bharati Mukherjee, Wife
  • Alice Munro, Lives of Girls and Women
  • Iris Murdoch, The Black Prince
  • Joyce Carol Oates, You Must Remember This
  • Grace Paley, Enormous Changes at the Last Minute
  • Jayne Anne Phillips, Black Tickets
  • Katherine Anne Porter, Pale Horse, Pale Rider
  • Dawn Powell, The Golden Spur
  • Richard Powers, Galatea 2.2
  • Mary Renault, The Friendly Young Ladies
  • Mary Renault, The Persian Boy
  • Philip Roth, Portnoy's Complaint
  • Salman Rushdie, Satanic Verses
  • José Saramago, Journey to Portugal
  • May Sarton, Mrs. Stevens Hears the Mermaids Singing
  • Anita Shreve, The Weight of Water
  • Marmon Silko, Almanac of the Dead Leslie
  • Mona Simpson, Anywhere But Here
  • Elizabeth Smart, By Grand Central Station I Sat Down and Wept
  • Susan Sontag, The Volcano Lover
  • Christina Stead, The Man Who Loved Children
  • Gertrude Stein, Three Lives
  • Gertrude Stein, The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas
  • A.J.P. Taylor, The Habsburg Monarchy 1809-1918
  • Elizabeth Taylor, Angel
  • Anne Tyler, If Morning Ever Comes
  • Loung Ung, First They Killed My Father: A Daughter of Cambodia Remembers
  • Barry Unsworth, Sacred Hunger
  • John Updike, Rabbit, Run
  • Jane Urquhart, Away
  • Eudora Welty, Stories Curtain of Green
  • Antonia White, Frost in May
  • Marianne Wiggins, Evidence of Things Unseen
  • Zitkala-S?a, American Indian Stories

january to-do list

House and Garden

  • Cover the evaporative cooler
  • Keep the birdfeeder filled
  • See if dress can become jacket
  • Put away year's correspondence

    Kinwork

  • Other bookclub, 6th, selection for year
  • SEM's birthday, 11th
  • BJWL's birthday, 14th
  • Bookclub, 15th, chez Scarf, The Red Tent
  • Other bookclub, Bee Season, 26th
  • ZBD's birthday, 27th

    Read

  • Saul Bellow, Adventures of Augie March and Humboldt's Gift, unless they're as pointless by p.75 as Henderson, the Rain King
  • Graham Greene, The Heart of the Matter
  • David Mitchell, Cloud Atlas: A Novel

    Moving

  • Bike to work if it's over 20 and not snowy or icy
  • Gym a couple of times a week

  • Monday, 2 January 2006

    trod

    On a treadmill, 5K in 38'; plus the rest of the fourth mile by 48'.

    when we were orphans

    I have heard unfavorable things about Kazuo Ishiguro's latest, Never Let Me Go, and I wish I hadn't so I could come to it fresh. I loved this novel completely. Ishiguro has a way of writing protagonists who live somehow superimposed upon rather than within their worlds, and who despite this are real and true and full of sympathy.

    Tuesday, 3 January 2006

    eggcorns

    Oh, what fun this site is. Some misspellings are mere ignorance (elementary for alimentary), but other make terrific puns. "A posable thumb" would make a lovely painting, though I want to avoid the visual for "balling your eyes out." I can see how "antidotal evidence" might cure a bad situation. I came across "reeking havoc" some time ago and it makes brilliant sense. I'm sure for some people, "never regions" is synonymous with "nether regions." And perhaps certain eels are gregarious--social morays.

    Addendum: I don't know who owns these gems; I read them on Miss Snark's site who identifies them as first lines from Isaac Asimov's Science Fiction Magazine's slush pile. My favorite might be "'Be good,' he called after her as he bit back the tears in his eyes," with "He whetted his lips" second. The best ones involve eyes in unfortunate ways, like the above and "Mona was on the liquilounge, her dark eyes pouring over him like warm jello."

    Me, I always have to be careful not to spell vertical as "verticle." But that doesn't lend itself to great puns or mixed metaphors.

    bike

    Two 3.6-mile city rides on new tires, road not dirt, through which I can feel every pebble on the road and on which I go noticeably faster, and with front and back lights (though not even the rear one was necessary). The option is good.

    Thursday, 5 January 2006

    bike

    Two 3.6-mile city rides.

    Friday, 6 January 2006

    bike

    Two 3.6-mile city rides.

    Saturday, 7 January 2006

    leaf pile

    A few years ago I collected a second haul of mulch from the TreeCycle, and unlike the year before it was a bad mulch: huge chunks of wood and some whole branches and lots of needles. I piled it at one end of the vegetable garden and ignored it for four years, until today. Today I sifted lovely loam from huge chunks of wood, added the loam to the lasagne mulch still in progress, and cleared that end of the garden. Without a pile of something to deprive it of light and air, that ground will be overtaken by weeds, I know.

    So I moved the leaf pile. This has been in kind of a corner of the backyard, blocking access to the so-called dog run between the garage and the fence. If we get a dog, its latrine will be in that area, and now the hypothetical dog can get there without clambering over a tarped pile of leaves. I spread a tarp under one side and raked part of the pile on that and hauled it aside and did the same with a second tarp. Now the main pile was small enough to haul.

    Also I watered all the trees except the ash and partly remulched the front gardens. The north half isn't mature enough not to have mulch between plants; the south half is if I can keep up with the bindweed.

    Plus I finally put the cover on the swamp cooler, excellent timing since it's unlikely to get cold again at all, let alone the uncovered cold of December.

    A good day.

    Sunday, 8 January 2006

    memory

    Yesterday and today I tackled mementos and correspondence. I hauled the boxes out of my closet and commenced to sorting. Two years of cards and letters, sorted dated and bundled. I did find some stuff I could throw out, like envelopes and newspaper articles, and some stuff that I could cram into photograph albums and scrapbooks, like photographs and newspaper articles. I don't know how I continue to do that.

    To the scrapbook, I added the newspaper photograph of RKC as honor essayist at high school graduation, tidily on the same page as her older sister's college graduation. Is it tacky to have obituaries in a scrapbook? I put in the notice from the religious organization to which RDC's aunt and uncle made a contribution for prayers in perpetuity for Granny, which is personal, but are public death notices as well weird to include? I am going with no, since I am the only person who will ever look at the books. Or maybe my father would be proud to know that I included the newspaper mention of his first hole-in-one (I love a small-town paper).

    swim

    Swim 2K.

    I must have left my swimsuit at the gym last time I swam. It wasn't in lost and found so I swam in my bathing suit, a tankini whose neckline is conservative (this is me, after all) but still not cut for laps. I need new jeans, too, and so I have to shop for the two most trying items at once! Yea! (Shoes are more boring, but I don't live in hopes that I will ever find The One Perfect Shoe.) Plus I could use another bra but I know where to find what I want if it's still available.

    Two kilometers are 60 laps in this pool, 120 lengths, and three nonconsecutive lengths were butterfly. For the first time, 20 meters of fly didn't slay me. I could have done three 25-meter lengths, I felt, had that pool been open; my lengths weren't continuous because I still cannot do a damn flip turn. SEM tried to teach me with both of us in a pool, but it didn't take; and I have to assume everyone else I am likely to meet would be leery at teaching something that might involve bodily contact. So I have to visit SEM at camp; he's the only person I know as absent of body taboo as I am and who also knows and can teach me to turn.

    Monday, 9 January 2006

    bike

    Two 3.6-mile city rides.

    mia

    Monkey--which is what I'm going to call her here no matter what she is named--finally arrived, almost two weeks past the due date. While she and Scarf and Drums remain in hospital, RDC and I get to host Mia. Despite being a year older and half St. Bernard to boot, Mia is spryer than full-Lab Morgan. Poor girl, she has been away from home since labor began, not because of doggy germs but because she and Scarf are so devoted to each other that her not understanding why her mama was in pain and consequent agitation caused Scarf further pain.

    I don't know whether it will be better to walk her past her house, to let her know that she's near it and let her sniff it or if that will upset her.

    Before we dognapped her, Mia spent the day in the yard of a neighbor who doesn't care for dogs in his house. I guess we were the first to act upon his message--please take her home with you--because when RDC went over in the late afternoon to see if she was still available, she was. Conveniently, Drums had just darted home to shower and change. So we have her food and leash, and during dinner someone came by with her bed, and right now she and I are in the living room reading and snoozing.

    During dinner and also now, but now sadly muted by the dishwasher, Mia has been snoring. One of my private theories is that I began to sleep with men only because, away from home and at college, their snores were my only substitute (I suppose I should be grateful that my roomie wasn't a snorer). I have considered getting a white-noise generator for waves, crickets, and rain; I wonder if any is available with dog snores and sighs.

    Oh, and while RDC was cooking dinner Mia lay in the doorway between dining room and kitchen, on the cold mean hardwood floor. Eventually she rose creakily and hoisted herself onto the one rug in the kitchen--which is exactly in front of the sink. When I patted the corner of the dining room rug she came immediately, and she was only a couple of feet further back than her position in the doorway. But I like that she wants to be just as much underfoot as she can be.

    She might not smell as rank in body as Morgan, but she has worse breath, and if she's not as rank she's still a dog and therefore no flower. Objectively, cockatiel dander smells good, while dog does not; but if Dog is an acquired preference, I've certainly acquired it.

    Tuesday, 10 January 2006

    bike

    Two 3.6-mile city rides.

    dogsnoring

    Really, it's the best sound ever. Deep doggy breaths from the doggy bed. When we came downstairs after dinner, she rose from her first choice of spot on the rug, stood leaning against the couch, and lay her chin on the cushion. Blake could not have indicated what he wanted any more clearly. While dogs do not go on the furniture how ever much they are loved, I am otherwise at their beck and call, so I went up and got her dog bed.

    henderson the rain king

    Okay. I finished Henderson the Rain King. For Stingo's sake must I read Dangling Man too? Because otherwise Saul Bellow joins Dreiser and James on the list of Modern Library 100 writers I don't need to read more of. Henderson--brash, clumsy, oversized, determined to mean well, but deluded and dangerous--is American to his core. None of his philosophizing with Dahfu enlightened me about Henderson's or Bellow's purpose. This books rates not even a "meh" but only "eh": it didn't involve me even enough to dislike it.

    Wednesday, 11 January 2006

    doglessness

    Morgan awakeMorgan asleepThis is whom (fine: what) I got to dogsit and then let go home in the shortest two weeks ever: Morgan and Mia. Maybe because of her hips, Morgan is the only adult lab I have ever known who has lain down with her legs outstretched behind her, like a puppy. I should have taken close-ups of her amazing ears.

    Mia lookingMorgan having her ears fondledNeither dog seemed to pine pathetically, but Morgan didn't eat much and almost bounced when her mother came to get her. I wasn't home when Mia's father arrived but she was ecstatic to see him. I hope she likes her new human sister. Oh, and Blake dropped a shoulder feather today, round (so obviously shoulder joint), dark gray with just a fleck of racing-stripe white. I'm sure he doesn't remember his mother at all, but her name was Blaze for an un-hen-like streak of bright yellow through her otherwise dun crest. I pointed out to him how Mia had a similar streak of light-on-dark, but he failed to feel any kinship with her because of it, nor because he clearly had Mia-colored feathers--(not quite) black with a tip of white. Both dogs ignored the bird, thank goodness, but that is not something I expect of either a younger dog or a dog who is more confident of her family.

    I think the first time Blake met a dog was Thanksgiving of 2000, when Maggie came with Clove and Dexy. I wouldn't doubt that he had a headache from carrying his crest so far forward (is that why I like the Grinch's dog Max, because of his antler? I think of him getting caught in the sewing machine and hopefully waving from the back of the sled more than gradually dropping from over-antlered-ness). Perhaps because he's older, because because these two dogs were older, he could relax in their presence--play in his box, have his head pet, go to sleep on a shoulder.

    He's such a good boy, but he's not a dog.

    bike

    Two 3.6-mile city rides.

    Thursday, 12 January 2006

    bike

    Two 3.6-mile city rides.

    babies

    Thank goodness! My mother is referring to her stepdaughter's new baby as "my grandchild" instead of "my stepgrandchild." When in the course of human events, people consider the children they parented with someone else to be their new partner's children as well, to the point that the one's children inherit part of the estate of the other's antecdent, then the one had better damn well call the other's grandchildren her own. My sister and I were beneficiaries to part of our mother's husband's mother's estate, and I thought (privately, not to my mother*) that was pretty messed up, and more messed up when, after her stepdaughter fell pregnant, my mother for months said that her husband was going to be a grandparent but did not say the same of herself. That was then, though, and this is now. The younger German Shepherd had a puppy today and all is well, both in mother and child's health and in how my mother names the relationship.

    I said something to RDC the other evening about when "my parents" visit us this coming May, because that's shorter than saying "my father and notstepmother." Depending on context, I also occasionally refer to my mother and her husband as "my parents." I don't think either of my actual parents would be pleased to know that I refer to a stepparent as parent. I don't know. I have never called RDC's mother "Mom" although she has welcomed me to do so. Perhaps it's okay if I refer to the sets as parents for convenience as long as I don't call people by onceling titles.

    * Privately, because how anyone disposes of their belongings is none of my affair. My father wanted my okay about offering my sister some financial assistance, and I told him that his money, now and after that thing that he's not allowed to do, is his to do with as he wishes, and I promised him, solemnly by Shadow's memory, that it would never be a problem, and he had my okay if he wanted it but that he didn't need it.

    The other baby is my mother's first cousin's new grandchild. Its raising will be more of a group effort than certain people might expect, and I'm all for village-parenting especially when the parents are as young and unexpected as these are. The baby, its mother, and my mother's cousin all live close enough that I hope my mother can work off some of her grandmother-jones on this kid too.

    When I congratulated my mother on becoming a grandmother, because she had emphasized "finally" I offered that 20 years is a long time to wait. "But you've only been married 10 years," she replied. But you've known since before I married that I wasn't going to spore, I didn't say. Instead I finished my earlier thought, which is that my sister and I have been grown for 20 years. She, probably wanting to be supportive, once told me while I was in college, that she hoped I would tell her if I got pregnant. I didn't tell her that the fewer people who knew, the better off I would be--because heaven knows there's reciprocal gossip-sharing among her family--and that I would dread both her support and her censure.

    shrinkage developments

    Two significant things in therapy:

    I am going to taper off Lexapro and see how it goes. Either it has helped me remember how to be me, in which case I'll be okay, or I won't be okay, in which case I might see it as medication to treat a chronic condition--dysthymia. The previous sentence's two clauses are not parallel. I know.

    Between fall of 2003 and June 2005, I saw my shrink almost weekly. Most of the hiccups in that weekly schedule were unscheduled cancellations (occasionally I would get a call in time but more often I would show up at the clinic at 8:00 a.m. for my appointment and she would be absent). She excused herself by illness; of course I asked her if she was okay; and of course as a professional she thanked me for my ongoing concern and said only, "It's being addressed." Last June she graduated (I see psychiatric residents at UCHC) and referred me to her friend and classmate, whom I have seen perhaps a half-dozen times since. Yesterday, this second shrink told me that my shrink--who by dint of longevity and frequency is still who I think of as my shrink rather than this new (also excellent) person--died over New Year's. She was 34.

    Friday, 13 January 2006

    that didn't take long

    When the new shrink told me about the previous shrink's death, which had occurred less than a fortnight before, she said she wanted to make sure I learned it from her. I was glad to know (how do you say that? I'd rather know than not know, though I'm desperately not glad it happened), but I thought it hugely unlikely I would have heard about it otherwise.

    I was in my cube at work when a colleague arrived to chat with CoolBoss for a moment, catching her up on an ex-DotOrgerista. Colleague spoke of the difficult year (school, baby, parents' health) the exDO had had, and then said something along the lines of how to cap it off, on New Year's Eve a friend had died, suddenly, and gave other details, including a name.

    So I would have found out, not two weeks after it happened, not two days later.

    It's something she and I talked about at the end of my sessions with her. She said Denver was a small town, really (it is?), and how would I like to handle it if we happened into each other? A million people in the city and another million or two in the hinterlands, sure, but it is a small town: I believe not only in six degrees of separation but also in the fact of overlapping demographics. Similar neighborhoods, income levels, political leanings, tastes in food, reading, and music, and hobbies will keep you among similar people. That's why it's important to keep punching at the bubble around you.

    Also, I finally remembered something. One of the names Scarf and Drums were considering for Monkey was Sylvia, and the day I learned that, that night I dreamed of a Sylvia I once knew. For the past several weeks, I would remember this woman but not her name. It's interesting that even though her name was safe in my subconscious, my subconscious didn't retrieve it for me, either by sudden recollection or by dream, until I heard the name in such an unrelated context.

    I was her assistant one day a week one summer at Millstone. She was sweet, not in the best of health, and had four adult strappingly large children (how did "strapping" gain that meaning?); at that point a fair way along the nonbreeding path, I wondered if gestating and birthing them had done her in. At the end of the summer she gave me a purple backpack that served as my gymbag during grad school.

    But who I really have to get in touch with from Millstone is my main boss. Last year was the first time I heard from him rather than from his wife (whom I also knew) in the annual card exchange. Just the fact that he took pen in hand to write to an employee from 1991, though not just an employee but the amanuensis to his Grand Poobah, meant that he had more time than usual on his hands. Dear man. His wife is a dear as well; I met her several times when Poobah took me out to lunch because a proper Southern gentleman does not take a young slip of a girl to a public establishment without a chaperone. And he always stood up when she entered the room. I last saw them sometime in the mid-'90s when they returned their son to campus--and took me out to lunch. Poobah kept offering me more butter for my bread because, though he won our weight-loss wager, I had kept off the weight I'd dropped and he had not.

    Saturday, 14 January 2006

    jog and neighbors

    I was a block into the walking start of my run when J decided to continue her walk a little farther and turned to accompany me. We talked of babies (hers and others), the perils of jeans-shopping, and husbands' odd clothing ideas. We crossed into the park, whose perimeter I was going to run, and parted.

    5K around the park.

    Afterward I entered the neighborhood at my neighbors' street rather than my own, in case anything was going on. AEK was throwing a ball for E's dog with one of those atl-atl ball-throwing thingies that not only increase your range but spare you dog slobber, and she lent me her toilet and then gave me pints of water.

    Later in the afternoon Kal came over to fetch boxes for her move and we took pictures of her new house--hooray, a move that brings a friend closer rather than farther.

    I really like my neighborhood.

    shopPING

    A few weeks ago I looked in This Name Store and That Name Store for jeans. I didn't like the denim washes in either place. I looked in Another Name, eh. In Foley's--a department store whose quality level, I've decided, is more like Sears than Filene's--I found jeans whose denim I liked but which I wouldn't try on because their label was enormous, and other acceptable denim whose tag emphasized that they sat at the waist. I was looking for jeans to replace the at-waist, straight-legged Levi's that I barely wear.

    (Last March when Kal and I went to see "The Incredibles," I found a ticket stub in the pocket for the previous October's corn maze. At this October's maze, I found the movie stub.)

    Friday night I went to Old Navy, and yep, I'm too old for Old Navy, or too something, because--how excessively picky of me!--I prefer my jeans without holes in them. From there I ventured to Ross and T.J. Maxx. I don't know what A and R stand for after numerical sizes in Tommy Hilfiger jeans--average? regular?--but a 14 in one swam on me and a 10 in the other was a tetch too small and of course there wasn't a 12 of either and what is it with these new jeans that they strangle your pelvis and billow around your legs? And who cares if you have the trendily jeans-molded ass when the overall effect makes you look fatter?

    On to Park Meadows, which houses the nearest Nordstrom, because this night's expedition was for the three most harrowing garments: jeans, bra, bathing suit. (Hooray for consumerism: Nordstrom is taking over Lord & Taylor's old space in Cherry Creek, providing me with a nearby department store at a reasonable price point, between Sears and Saks.) Nordstrom shoes made me homesick for Haitch--we last ventured there together looking for her bridal shoes--and I called her. I told her she had to be my link to the real world for jean-selection.

    "No tapered legs!" She has known me for a long time, but those tapered legs aren't as long ago as I would readily admit, and I think tapered legs ended before 1996 anyway.
    "I know!" I saw that light all by myself. "But what about this exposing the belly thing? and the unflattering softball-sized gap at the back, where my lumbar tattoo isn't and I don't want to get a cold in my kidneys anyway? and the pelvis-constricting factor? and 'muffin-tops,' which body part I own but would not call anything so supposedly appealing (as if) nor ever display? and thong-top-show? and butt-crack-show?" New jeans, sure, but not a new lifestyle. She held my mental hand and talked me through it.

    Lord I miss shopping with Haitch. I asked her to justify "shrugs," which are, at least, merely unflattering, rather than uncomfortable and impractical, as the New Jeans are. She said they are allowable only on the pregnant, and they certainly do emphasize the belly in a way only Fabienne of "Pulp Fiction" would find attractive. Once I randomly interjected, "Oh honey, that look's not working for you at all," and I finally see a need in my own life for a camera-phone, because oh, how I wanted to share the visual with her.

    My minimal rule about Fat is to cover it with clothing, whether taut or baggy. The flab of the unfit-but-slender is still flab and should be covered. The flesh of those who are fit and slender and possess a healthy fat percentage should not be corseted into bulge. So the quest for jeans continued. I bought a new bra, same make and model as last time, because it supports the flab at the proper midpoint between shoulder and elbow and disallows all bounce. I bought a new swimsuit, same make and model as last time, becuase I know it fits and is comfortable, but not new goggles because I forgot them until I was in the interminable cashier line. But no jeans.

    Enough. I headed home and stopped at Target for sheets. Passing through the clothing department on the way to the cashier, on a whim I looked at jeans. Levi's. Huh. New but not overly dyed or flayed or streaky or objectionable denim. I tried a pair. And I liked them!

    Should I recite Steve Martin's "Cruel Shoes" bit? Because that's what I realize I sound like. Except not funny.

    jeansLow-waisted but not hip-waisted. Not so constrictive as to force bulge up, and low enough not to cut into belly or bladder. I crouched and contorted to check for buttcrackitis or underpantitis. Full-legged but not bell-bottomed. Amply long but not impractically floor-length, and just right with my near-daily Dansko clog. Victory.Levi Signature Mid-Rise Boot-Cut Jeans, in Ocean; where "Signature" means "line invented for Target and even lower-end stores."

    At home, I took a seam-ripper to the label while RDC and I watched Haitch's latest recommendation, "You and Me and Everyone We Know." I close letters with "oxo" instead of "xox" because I prefer hugs to kisses and the shape is more rotund, more like me; but in future I think I will sign ))><(( .

    Today I wore the jeans to Kal and Neal's new house, of which RDC and I took digital pictures for the gratification of the distant. And there I am, in new jeans, with a tank top under my sweater to spare the world (or just neighborhood) sight of my pasty excess and for weekend-level breastal restraint, and y'know, excess is not the less repellent for being covered. So much for following even my own minimal rule. Jeans to (not above) the waist would cover, if not disguise, that bulge more acceptably.

    The option of ridding myself of that belly, of course, well, let's stay in the realm of possibility.

    Monday, 16 January 2006

    louis

    I only recently realized that Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde is by Robert Louis Stevenson, not H.G. Wells or Jules Verne.

    Yesterday I read an excerpt from Louis Sachar's new Small Steps for which, I am glad to know, he takes Armpit as his protagonist instead of Stanley or Zero.

    I gave Emlet The Trumpet of the Swan and the Audobon plush trumpeter swan, another in the line of American animals I am giving her. Her bison's name is Wyoming, for American English practice.

    That's all my Louis news.

    Tuesday, 17 January 2006

    bike

    Two 3.6-mile city rides.

    Wednesday, 18 January 2006

    bike

    Two 3.6-mile city rides.

    Thursday, 19 January 2006

    cloud atlas

    The Bridge of San Luis Rey is the story of six people who are killed when a bridge collapses; a friar wants to compile their stories. Luisa Rey is a character in the six-part novel Cloud Atlas. But I read that Luisa Rey (and Timothy Cavendish) appear one or both of Mitchell's previous books, and I wonder how he named her.

    David Mitchell gleefully name-drops some of the texts he draws from: someone reads "20th-century optimists" named Orwell and Huxley; one part's character quotes "Soylent Green" and that movie's supposed twist features in another part. I have meant to read Delius: as I Knew Him since I first listened to Kate Bush's Never for Ever, and now I have a bit more reason to do so.

    Saturday, 21 January 2006

    anansi boys

    Neil Gaiman. Can you say "derivative" and "nearly plagiarism"? I knew you could! I mean, it was fun, but unlike with Cloud Atlas, which is also fun and relies heavily on previous texts, my noticing the man behind the curtain didn't add to my pleasure. This might be an anti-sff bias, but I don't think so: I liked his Coraline fine and my not getting into Sandman from its first volume probably has more to do with my not having read all the subsequent volumes than with any failing on its part.

    For its reliance on archetype and myth, I was reminded again and again of Summerland. Michael Chabon managed to use Norse and First Nation and American myths of the Tree of Life and Raven and baseball, none of which he invented, in his own fresh way. When Gaiman used Raven and Remus, I thought not of what I was reading but what he read first.

    Also, and this is the worst, stop smoking the Douglas Adams weed, Neil! Adams was Adams, and he was great, and he is dead, and you are not he. Gaiman aped Adams's style of humor to the point of directly copying two of his jokes--a meaning of the word "similar" previously unknown, and "smiling in the way striking cobras tend not to." The first is something Arthur says when Ford first brings him to the Vogon ship (with "safe"), and while I can't quite place the second, I know it occurs somewhere in the Hitchhiker's trilogy, early on, along the lines of something hanging in the air much in the way anvils don't. Perhaps the whale? It's not just the five Hitchhiker books, either: there's a lot of both Dirk Gently books too. And Spider is Zaphod Beeblebrox to an unfunny degree. Besides having to wave his hand at his featureless black sound system, he embodies Zaphod's mantra, "If there's anything more important than my ego, I want it caught and shot now."

    Whatever. Fast and mostly harmless [snork] and I possibly have more reason to read American Gods now, except I can find it only in pulp.

    snowshoeing

    Eight miles. Up, down, around and around, from Glacier Gorge trailhead to Mills Lake. Buttclenchingly unnecessarily cold.

    Also, very pretty. We passed wapiti in Moraine Park, leading me to say "wapiti wapiti" since I am incapable of saying only "wapiti." The parking lot at Glacier Gorge trailhead has been moved and the original is being restored closer to a natural state, for a grand total of the same number of spaces. The NPS is promoting, I hope, more shuttle bussing by not increasing the uphill parking. The massive pasturage for cars downhill is big enough.

    I have more to say about Mr. Stanley of the Stanley Steamer car and the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, but for now, I'll just say I hope he's happy. He is credited, at least in his own hotel, with beginning the idea of automobile touring in the United States.

    And I'm part of the problem! Hooray! Just after 10, we put Cassidy into one of the last spaces and starting bundling up. The temperature was no lower than 20, fine, but the wind howled at gale force, damn. Smartwool socks, titanium bra, polypropylene underwear, turtleneck, Gore-Tex pants and parka, gaiters strapped under boots and hooked to laces, gloves with sleeves, hat, hood up. Contacts in case I needed goggles. Backpack full of fleece pants, running pants, heavy fleece jacket, lighter fleece vest, spare socks, face mask, Clif and Balance bars, two liters of water, camera, wallet, glasses, matches, compass, walkie-talkie, mylar topographical map. Snowshoes and poles.

    And away! As soon as we got into the trees, the wind tunnel effect of the straightaway calmed somewhat. Somewhat.

    Pretty! Snow! Boulders! Frozen creeks! Pretty! Up we clomped. Cliffs! Halves of mountains! Pretty!

    I have read that 90% of Rocky Mountain National Park's visitors see the park only from their cars. On the trail today were a friendly number of people, not constantly in sight as has happened on the Bierstadt trail and as usually happens on the more popular trails in the summer. We met three women who had to be in their 70s as far up-trail as we were and whom I aspire to.

    Because we overshot toward the Loch and backtracked to Mills, and because on the way down, we backtracked again because we didn't recognize the trail, we wound up doing about eight miles instead of over six. We didn't recognize the trail downhill because we followed the signs and therefore the marked, summer trail, rather than the haphazard winter trail people improvise. There were snowshoe and ski tracks, and it was marked, so we returned to it, but we knew it wasn't right. Were we going to end up on Bear Lake Road far downstream? Or where, exactly? Sighting the road about halfway through was reassuring.

    I'm supposed to have a sense of direction, and RDC too. But snow is disorienting!

    Sunday, 22 January 2006

    hypocrism

    Further proof, if any were needed, of my hypocrism:

    When I arrived at work Friday, the receptionist returned my greeting by asking, "Didn't you get the message?" and I saw that he was dressed a little casually and perhaps had layered a sports jersey over his other clothing because the heat in the building was dead and the office was closed? He was continuing: "The governor's message?" Had he declared a state snow day, so the office was closed? Finally the rest of what the receptionist was saying sank: Both the Colorado governor and the Denver mayor had asked their constituents to wear orange on Friday in support of the football team. I don't know if my hatred for orange clothing began in childhood for St. Patrick's Day's sake or if even without the Sassenachs I'd've wound up hating the color, but hate it I do, and football is about the least likely reason on earth to change that. I begged off, pointing out that my punishment was brief fiery but dashed hope of a day off.

    In late morning I scampered down to the receptionist's desk for another errand, while vaguely craving elevenses. The receptionist offered me a little round orange sticker to affix upon my lapel. I declined again because I am that much of a grinch. What's the deal with the city building a privately-owned football team a stadium, yet that stadium being named for a corporation rather than for the city, and afterward seats in that stadium not being freely available to the citizens who funded it? Grr. And I still don't understand why a team's players come from all over the place instead of from that team's area. High school teams are drawn from that high school, but city teams not from that city? I don't get it.

    After being chastised for declining, I sought out Kal to tell her how glad I was to be out of the city (if not the state) this weekend, and planned to stop at someone's candy bowl afterward. On the way, though, I saw free chocolate cupcakes on a low table. "Score," thought I, and picked one up. At Kal's desk I asked if I could give her further proof of my hypocrisy--"of course!"--and told her about being glad to leave town and declining even stickers--"You have no spirit at all"--and finished by showing her the cupcake, which I had helped myself to despite its blue and orange frosting.

    Go Broncos.

    Addendum: This was a story as soon as I showed up at Kal's desk cupcake in hand, so I'm glad I didn't take a bite first. That would have destroyed my story because the cake was pointless, as (with apologies to Melissa) I think the cake in most cupcakes is, and the frosting, being blue and orange, wasn't chocolate, and therefore was also pointless. Broncos suck!

    Monday, 23 January 2006

    new ring

    Almost five years ago after a day on my own in the park, I browsed through some shops in Estes Park. Not the ones that inexplicably sell salt-water taffy a thousand miles from the ocean, but the giftish ones. I found a cabochon iolite ring for my right ring finger, and well-timed because my moonstone Tolkien ring was really about to die. After we determined on Saturday that there would be no more snowshoeing on Sunday, I said I wanted to window-shop a little.

    In the Glacier Gorge parking lot, a car leaving one of the a perpendicular parking spaces that line the north side must have swiped Cassidy's right front fender, helpless Cassidy patiently chewing its cud in one of the parallel spots lining the south side. The parking lot is icy and snowy and we did the same thing four years ago, giving Cassidy its first (and until yesterday only) dent. But we left a note on the car we'd struck with our phone number because we are not cowardly gits.

    I mention this because in the course of making out an accident report at the station, the ranger noticed that RDC's license was expired. This meant that, since I'd definitely do the rest of the weekend's driving, I could make sure one stop was a touristy jewelry store.

    What is wrong with me, or with Denver, that I can't find what I want in town? Sterling silver, cabochon iolites or amethysts or maybe moonstone or garnet or turmeline, substantial. Even though I didn't replace the five-year-old iolite on my right ring finger that is now beat to shit (the top of the stone is severely scratched, the sides also but not as badly), I did find a ring for, this is new, left index finger. Six little iolites surrounding a seventh in a little flower pattern.

    My wedding set is allegedly white gold but it looks fairly yellow, and the sapphire's setting clashes with my usual, so another left-hand ring has been hard to find. Now I have decreed that one whole finger between yellowy white gold and sterling silver is adequate metal-separation, and the hexagonal setting is somewhat closer to the sapphire's traditional setting. I still want (need) a sterling silver bangle and want other right-hand rings. But whee! I have a new ring.

    reading to rdc

    Here, in approximate order, are books I have read aloud to RDC:

    Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
    Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass
    Richard Adams, Watership Down
    Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird
    Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth
    Tim O'Brien, The Things They Carried
    Various mostly American short stories
    Steven Levy, Insanely Great
    James Howe, Bunnicula
    Authur Ransome, Swallows and Amazons
    E.L. Konigsburg, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler
    Roald Dahl, Danny, Champion of the World
    Joan Aiken, The Shadow Guests
    Jane Curry, The Bassumtyte Treasure
    E.L. Konigsburg, The View from Saturday
    Robert O'Brien, Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH
    Katherine Paterson, Bridge to Terabithia
    Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings, The Yearling
    Sharon Creech, Walk Two Moons
    Louis Sachar, Holes
    Ellen Raskin, The Westing Game
    Zilpha Keatley Snyder, The Egypt Game
    Mildred Taylor, Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry
    David Sedaris, Naked
    C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
    Penelope Lively, The Ghost of Thomas Kempe
    Jean Craighead George, Julie of the Wolves

    Most of the adult books have been during road trips. The first, the Lewis Carrolls, I read using e-texts and his first laptop as we roadtripped to Pittsburgh for a wedding, because the idea of an English major who hasn't read Lewis Carroll makes me shudder. Then my two favorite books, To Kill a Mockingbird and Watership Down, and short stories to roadtrip to Florida with and Stephen Levy to move to Denver with. And then vital children's books. Bunnicula isn't as vital to children's literature as it is to understanding my insurmountable fear of white asparagus.

    Recently I finally bought myself Thomas Kempe, which, like Aiken and Curry, combine those apparently irresistible elements of being set in England, in a very old house, with a ghost. It's fun, but, like Swallows and Amazon, fun to no purpose. During Ransome RDC kept asking when they were going to get a keg, and seriously, these kids didn't even walk around barefoot. After we finished the Lively I asked if he would rather be a hermit in Alaska or in the Pacific Ocean, and both choices had Canine Mortality. It was only this morning as I was brushing my beak that I remembered Julie has Avian Mortality too.

    I tried the first page of The Giver and that didn't work; I am not going to try The Blue Sword on him because he was never a 14-year-old girl; I think no one should live ignorant of Gram Tillerman but we have already failed with Jackaroo and Bad Girls so I might not attempt more Voigt.

    But after this, Island of the Blue Dolphins, and probably My Side of the Mountain, I am not sure what to read to him next. Hmm. The Slave Dancer, definitely. Maybe Voyage of the Dawn Treader and The Horse and His Boy. Oh, A Day No Pigs Would Die. Maybe Ghosts I Have Been and The Cat in the Mirror. And The Machine-Gunners.

    Good gracious, look at the proportion of male protagnoists. All the pets in Bunnicula are male, but, as Mo said of Watership Down, it's bunnies, whatever. Swallows and Amazons stars the Walkers, but there's no denying Nancy's ascendancy. Maybe Lucy is the protagonist of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, but really it's Aslan. The View from Saturday is three-quarters male. Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry is narrated by and stars Cassie but the story is Stacey, Taylor's father's. Likewise--and unlike Bunnicula--Mrs. Frisby is the central character but the book is about mostly about Nicodemus and Justin (and Mr. Ages and Jeremy and Timothy). Alice is merely a spectator to Carroll's opiate dream.That leaves The Egypt Game, carefully balanced by race and sex but focusing on April, and Claudia Kincaid, Salamanca Tree Hiddle, Turtle, and Miyax Julie Edward Kapugen, six girls, to seven boys: Cosmo Curtoys, Tommy Bassumtyte, Jesse Aarons, Jody Baxter, Stanley Yelnats, James Harrison, and Danny. Does Danny have a surname, or is his epithet enough? I had to look up Jesse's, and I wouldn't've remembered James Harrison if I hadn't just read it, and I needed to ponder on Jody and Penny before I recollected Ma Baxter.

    The to-be read pile is two-thirds boys: Karana, Erin Gandy, and Blossom Culp to Sam Gribley, Jesse Bollier (another look-up), Eustace, Cor, Rob, and Chas. Maybe I should read him some All-of-a-Kind Family or Laura Ingalls Wilder just to bump up the chick count even though they don't really belong to the theme.

    bike

    Two 3.6-mile city rides.

    Tuesday, 24 January 2006

    bike

    Two 3.6-mile city rides and a dog-walk.

    the blue and the dim and the dark

    I have been keeping a book lifelist for about ten years now. What's online is only the read and unread; what is in what should be a database but is instead only Microsoft Excel has a lot more, not necessarily pointful, data. I have combed the internet for titles and synopses of long-forgotten books of my childhood, as if I needed more evidence that actually I read about a dozen books 20 times rather than, say, a lot of books.

    Every time I think I have everything important, another title or several occur to me, but that hasn't happened for a long time. The Secret Language came up recently, and yeah, I read it and liked it well enough to recall it from a synopsis, but it wasn't ground-breaking. Then today, on my bike, out of the blue, came a title: Tread Softly. The author turned out to be Corinne Gerson, and the Library of Congress synopsis reads, "A young girl tries to cope with the loss of her parents by inventing an imaginary family"; those data are on Amazon. What flooded back to me on their own were older brother Buck and younger sister...Gabby? and the trip to Maine, and the other babysitter, and the weird painting, and the two friends, and the actual brother, the grandparents, and their aphorisms. My sister always wanted an older brother, which is as opposite to a younger sister as a sibling can be.

    In the six years between its publication and my departing my library for college, I must have reread the book a dozen times. Or more. Yet it lay unrecollected, unthought of--except for flashes when I read Yeats--for 20 years. How does that happen?

    Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
    Enwrought with golden and silver light,
    The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
    Of night and light and the half-light,
    I would spread the cloths under your feet:
    But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
    I have spread my dreams under your feet,
    Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

    Thursday, 26 January 2006

    bike

    Two 3.6-mile rides and a dog-walk.

    so much for that

    The Tattered Cover is closing its Cherry Creek location, removing to Colfax. The Fourth Story restaurant is closing, since the Colfax location in the renovated Lowenstein theatre doesn't have four storeys, and frankly I don't think the store as a whole is far behind. It might survive in LoDo and Highlands Ranch, for downtown and architecture and hordes of children, but how the store can survive without the Cherry Creek demographic, within that shopping district, without those numbers of passersby, I do not know.

    I don't know of another independent, adult, new-book bookstore in Denver. Lots of used book bookstores--hooray for that stretch of Broadway--and there's the Bookies, independent sellers of children's books, and the Barnes & Noble downtown to threaten the LoDo store, and the Barnes & Noble on Colorado Boulevard that must have contributed to the decline of the Cherry Creek store, and the other B&Ns and Borders. But so much for independence in a metropolitan area of two million people.

    While it survives, I will patronize the Colfax location enthusiastically, and if the relocation of the Tattered Cover and the rejuvenation of Colfax build on each other, well and good. But does the TC have the time to wait for the new housing (more traffic) and high-end housing (moneyed traffic) to be completed and lived in? Does the rest of the city believe, as I and many in my neighborhood do, that Colfax is grittily vibrant and full of possibility, rather than scary and suitable only to be avoided?

    Friday, 27 January 2006

    bike and run

    Two 3.6-mile city rides.

    5K run. I ran more of the distance than I have previously, getting nearly back to my building before "Hail, Hail."

    Reading my triathlon book, I learned that the Olympic distance is much closer to the sprint than a midpoint between sprint and Ironman: 1.5K swim, 40K bike, 10K run. As sore as I am after a run, I shouldn't say I am confident I can do a sprint triathlon, but I kind of am; what I should aim for is an Olympic-distance event.

    Saturday, 28 January 2006

    swim

    Swim 50 laps in the indoor pool, which I now suspect could be 20 yards, not 20 meters. Of course I can feel the difference of at least five meters between it and the outdoor one, but it does seem even shorter than that. If it's 20 yards, not meters, then a mile is 44 laps, not 40, and the 50 laps I swam today are therefore, uh, 1.83K and I would have to swim 55 laps to log 2K.

    Those who work there have claimed it's 20 meters, but I have previously heard members murmuring, and today I have a better reason to think so. I swam one lane in from the westmost one, and in the westmost one swam a nine- or ten-year-old boy with an elderly man walking alongside or sitting at one end, coaching. At one point I broke to ask if he was a grandfather or a coach. He said he was both, and we smiled. He was a nice coach, I thought: encouraging (praising the degree to which the kick broke the surface--just enough, not too much) and giving sensible advice (keep the elbow higher than the wrist) and obviously, for all the 70+ years I'd give him, still a swimmer himself.

    The boy and I finished our swims at the same time and fished ourselves out, freeing two lanes for an approaching swimmer to choose from. She asked how many laps make a mile, and I said 40 in this one and 32 in the outdoor one, since this one is 20 meters and the outdoor 25. The man told me nay, that it's yards.

    The reason I want him to be right, even though it would mean I haven't swum as much this fall and winter as I've credited myself with, is that the next thing out of his mouth was, "You're good enough to be a masters swimmer. Why aren't you?"

    I kinda wondered how he knew I wasn't. Do masters swimmers get a diamond tattoo indicating Imperial training on their foreheads (Dune reference)? Do my paunch and flab betray how unready for competition I really am? Or does he know all the masters swimmers in Denver?

    Obviously, I want him to be right about the pool length because that would mean he has as good an eye for all things swimmy as I would like anyone to have who watched me swim and thought I was good.

    I am a good swimmer, by the bye. This morning I read in my triathlon book about fist gloves, which you wear to prevent your hands from extending and cupping in order to force you to get a feel for the water, to pull with your forearm as well as with palm and fingers. I already keep my elbows above my wrists, and today especially during my middle, sprinting 10, I felt how much I do use all the surface area of my arm to push water.

    Still can't do a flip turn, though. I can do a sort of mangled manuever that reverses my direction, but a flip turn it's not.

    P.S. Yep, it's 20 yards.

    Sunday, 29 January 2006

    books

    Successful and cheap plundering of Fahrenheit Books before "Capote" today. I hadn't been in for more than a year and the store has moved. It's not ten feet wide with "Howards End"-type tottering piles of books anymore. I scored hardcovers of Blindness and Pippi Longstocking and trade paperbacks of Tim Drum and Waterland. Happy happy.

    Returning to the Mayan, I half-recognized a woman passing by. We each turned over a shoulder to glance at one another again. I spoke first: "Dot Org?" And so it was. She and her friend had just emerged from "Brokeback Mountain" and were headed to the Hornet for a drink. I think she might have been the one who started the defunct Dot Org book club and whom I offended by scorning Anne Lamott's Hard Laughter. Oops.

    Tuesday, 31 January 2006

    first lines

    A Usual Suspects linked American Book Review's opinion of the 100 best first lines. Of course I couldn't read them just for the pleasure of it but had to copy the text, replace the em-dash separating line from origin with a tab, paste the result into Excel and hide the column showing the origin. Yes, in so doing I saw the first two, but, thanks so much, those I knew. Some were obvious; some were giveaways; some I have read but didn't recognize; and some I have read and should have recognized but didn't. For those I get a smack. Answers in white.


    1. Call me Ishmael. Herman Melville Moby-Dick, 1851.
      Obvious.
    2. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. Jane Austen Pride and Prejudice, 1813.
      Obvious.
    3. A screaming comes across the sky. Thomas Pynchon Gravity's Rainbow, 1973.
      RDC would know this. I feel like I ought to have, even though I haven't read it.
    4. Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice. Gabriel García Márquez One Hundred Years of Solitude, 1967; trans. Gregory Rabassa.
      Obvious. Equally good is "It was inevitable: the scent of bitter almonds always reminded him of the fate of unrequited love."
    5. Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. Vladimir Nabokov Lolita, 1955.
      Give-away.
    6. Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Leo Tolstoy Anna Karenina, 1877; trans. Constance Garnett.
      Famously obvious.
    7. riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs. James Joyce Finnegans Wake, 1939.
      I have not so much as cracked this book, but I flexed my GRE muscles until the syntax and Howth Castle identified it.
    8. It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. George Orwell 1984, 1949.
      Obvious.
    9. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. Charles Dickens A Tale of Two Cities, 1859.
      Obvious to the point of cliché
    10. I am an invisible man. Ralph Ellison Invisible Man, 1952.
      Give-away.
    11. The Miss Lonelyhearts of the New York Post-Dispatch (Are you in trouble?-Do-you-need-advice?-Write-to-Miss-Lonelyhearts-and-she-will-help-you) sat at his desk and stared at a piece of white cardboard. Nathanael West Miss Lonelyhearts, 1933.
      Give-away. Is it a great line? Maybe because Miss Lonelyhearts is male?
    12. You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. Mark Twain Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, 1885.
      Obvious.
    13. Someone must have slandered Josef K., for one morning, without having done anything truly wrong, he was arrested. Franz Kafka The Trial, 1925; trans. Breon Mitchell.
      Obvious.
    14. You are about to begin reading Italo Calvino's new novel, If on a winter's night a traveler. Italo Calvino If on a winter's night a traveler, 1979; trans. William Weaver.
      Give-away.
    15. The sun shone, having no alternative, on the nothing new. Samuel Beckett Murphy, 1938.
      Now this, I should have guessed, except it also sounds like Douglas Adams.
    16. If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. J. D. Salinger The Catcher in the Rye, 1951.
      Obvious.
    17. Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo. James Joyce A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, 1916.
      Is this obvious? I think so. I should have had it by "a very good time it was" but the moocow left no doubt.
    18. This is the saddest story I have ever heard. Ford Madox Ford The Good Soldier, 1915.
      The saddest part of the story is that I wasted any fraction of my life reading it, recently enough that I remembered it. Not a great first line.
    19. I wish either my father or my mother, or indeed both of them, as they were in duty both equally bound to it, had minded what they were about when they begot me; had they duly considered how much depended upon what they were then doing;--that not only the production of a rational Being was concerned in it, but that possibly the happy formation and temperature of his body, perhaps his genius and the very cast of his mind;-and, for aught they knew to the contrary, even the fortunes of his whole house might take their turn from the humours and dispositions which were then uppermost:-Had they duly weighed and considered all this, and proceeded accordingly,-I am verily persuaded I should have made a quite different figure in the world, from that, in which the reader is likely to see me. Laurence Sterne Tristram Shandy, 1759-1767.
      I guessed its century, anyway. Is it a great line? Shouldn't it be classified as a great first run-on or first paragraph?
    20. Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show. Charles Dickens David Copperfield, 1850.
      I've watched "Gone with the Wind" a lot more often than I've read this.
    21. Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. James Joyce Ulysses, 1922.
      Obvious, especially if you have a stately, plump Blake Cockatiel living with you.
    22. It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the house-tops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. Edward George Bulwer-Lytton Paul Clifford, 1830.
      I gave myself credit for this one even though I didn't know the title because I love the Bulwer-Lytton awards enough to know the author's name.
    23. One summer afternoon Mrs. Oedipa Maas came home from a Tupperware party whose hostess had put perhaps too much kirsch in the fondue to find that she, Oedipa, had been named executor, or she supposed executrix, of the estate of one Pierce Inverarity, a California real estate mogul who had once lost two million dollars in his spare time but still had assets numerous and tangled enough to make the job of sorting it all out more than honorary. Thomas Pynchon The Crying of Lot 49, 1966.
      If the protagonist weren't named, I wouldn't have guessed.
    24. It was a wrong number that started it, the telephone ringing three times in the dead of night, and the voice on the other end asking for someone he was not. Paul Auster City of Glass, 1985.
    25. Through the fence, between the curling flower spaces, I could see them hitting. William Faulkner The Sound and the Fury, 1929.
      Perhaps should be obvious but maybe isn't. Also I wouldn't call it a great first line.
    26. 124 was spiteful. Toni Morrison Beloved, 1987.
      I am not sure if it was a student in or the professor of the class on revenge who recognized the parallel between the house number and the surviving children.
    27. Somewhere in la Mancha, in a place whose name I do not care to remember, a gentleman lived not long ago, one of those who has a lance and ancient shield on a shelf and keeps a skinny nag and a greyhound for racing. Miguel de Cervantes Don Quixote, 1605; trans. Edith Grossman.
      Give-away.
    28. Mother died today. Albert Camus The Stranger, 1942; trans. Stuart Gilbert.
      Known.
    29. Every summer Lin Kong returned to Goose Village to divorce his wife, Shuyu. Ha Jin Waiting, 1999.
    30. The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel. William Gibson Neuromancer, 1984.
      And that's about as far as I got in this book, because after that excellent image, reminiscent of his spoken part for Laurie Anderson, "The sun is coming up like a big bald head,"--which is how I recognized the line--the tone turned me off.
    31. I am a sick man . . . I am a spiteful man. Fyodor Dostoyevsky Notes from Underground, 1864; trans. Michael R. Katz.
      Forgotten. Although perhaps I should give it another try, now that I'm not 18 anymore.
    32. Where now? Who now? When now? Samuel Beckett The Unnamable, 1953; trans. Patrick Bowles.
    33. Once an angry man dragged his father along the ground through his own orchard. "Stop!" cried the groaning old man at last, "Stop! I did not drag my father beyond this tree." Gertrude Stein The Making of Americans, 1925.
    34. In a sense, I am Jacob Horner. John Barth The End of the Road, 1958.
      Should the name make it a give-away? It didn't.
    35. It was like so, but wasn't. Richard Powers Galatea 2.2, 1995.
      It's on the to-be-read shelf, which didn't help.
    36. Money . . . in a voice that rustled. William Gaddis J R, 1975.
    37. Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself. Virginia Woolf Mrs. Dalloway, 1925.
      Give-away, and not a best first line.
    38. All this happened, more or less. Kurt Vonnegut Slaughterhouse-Five, 1969.
      The qualifier gave it away. I should read more of him.
    39. They shoot the white girl first. Toni Morrison Paradise, 1998.
      Known, which surprised me because I only listened to this once.
    40. For a long time, I went to bed early. Marcel Proust Swann's Way, 1913; trans. Lydia Davis.
    41. The moment one learns English, complications set in. Felipe Alfau Chromos, 1990.
    42. Dr. Weiss, at forty, knew that her life had been ruined by literature. Anita Brookner The Debut, 1981.
    43. I was the shadow of the waxwing slain / By the false azure in the windowpane; Vladimir Nabokov Pale Fire, 1962.
      More GRE muscles: what novel starts with a poem? Plus, azure.
    44. Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board. Zora Neale Hurston Their Eyes Were Watching God, 1937.
      A favorite book, packed with similarly evocative imagery.
    45. I had the story, bit by bit, from various people, and, as generally happens in such cases, each time it was a different story. Edith Wharton Ethan Frome, 1911.
      I might have remembered this but didn't.
    46. Ages ago, Alex, Allen and Alva arrived at Antibes, and Alva allowing all, allowing anyone, against Alex's admonition, against Allen's angry assertion: another African amusement . . . anyhow, as all argued, an awesome African army assembled and arduously advanced against an African anthill, assiduously annihilating ant after ant, and afterward, Alex astonishingly accuses Albert as also accepting Africa's antipodal ant annexation. Walter Abish Alphabetical Africa, 1974.
      Clearly inspired by Alligators All Around.
    47. There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it. C. S. Lewis The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, 1952.
      Obvious.
    48. He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish. Ernest Hemingway The Old Man and the Sea, 1952.
      Gee whillikers, what could this be? Hmm.
    49. It was the day my grandmother exploded. Iain M. Banks The Crow Road, 1992.
    50. I was born twice: first, as a baby girl, on a remarkably smogless Detroit day in January of 1960; and then again, as a teenage boy, in an emergency room near Petoskey, Michigan, in August of 19 Jeffrey Eugenides Middlesex, 2002.
      Recently read.
    51. Elmer Gantry was drunk. Sinclair Lewis Elmer Gantry, 1927.
      Give-away, and while I appreciated the easy point it's not a best line.
    52. We started dying before the snow, and like the snow, we continued to fall. Louise Erdrich Tracks, 1988.
    53. It was a pleasure to burn. Ray Bradbury Fahrenheit 451, 1953.
      Obvious.
    54. A story has no beginning or end; arbitrarily one chooses that moment of experience from which to look back or from which to look ahead. Graham Greene The End of the Affair, 1951.
      A lovely book, a lovely image, but I wouldn't've guessed it if I hadn't recently read it.
    55. Having placed in my mouth sufficient bread for three minutes' chewing, I withdrew my powers of sensual perception and retired into the privacy of my mind, my eyes and face assuming a vacant and preoccupied expression. Flann O'Brien At Swim-Two-Birds, 1939.
      This book is burned into the inner curve of my skull since I read it traveling for my grandmother's funeral.
    56. I was born in the Year 1632, in the City of York, of a good Family, tho' not of that Country, my Father being a Foreigner of Bremen, who settled first at Hull; He got a good Estate by Merchandise, and leaving off his Trade, lived afterward at York, from whence he had married my Mother, whose Relations were named Robinson, a very good Family in that Country, and from whom I was called Robinson Kreutznaer; but by the usual Corruption of Words in England, we are now called, nay we call our selves, and write our Name Crusoe, and so my Companions always call'd me. Daniel Defoe Robinson Crusoe, 1719.
      Give-away, and like Elmer Gantry is included only because it's an easy point for us illiterati.
    57. In the beginning, sometimes I left messages in the street. David Markson Wittgenstein's Mistress, 1988.
    58. Miss Brooke had that kind of beauty which seems to be thrown into relief by poor dress. George Eliot Middlemarch, 1872.
      Only because I remembered Dorothea's birth name.
    59. It was love at first sight. Joseph Heller Catch-22, 1961.
      I myself love Yossarian more than the chaplain.
    60. What if this young woman, who writes such bad poems, in competition with her husband, whose poems are equally bad, should stretch her remarkably long and well-made legs out before you, so that her skirt slips up to the tops of her stockings? Gilbert Sorrentino Imaginative Qualities of Actual Things, 1971.
    61. I have never begun a novel with more misgiving. W. Somerset Maugham The Razor's Edge, 1944.
      Known only because I read it in the last year.
    62. Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person. Anne Tyler Back When We Were Grownups, 2001.
    63. The human race, to which so many of my readers belong, has been playing at children's games from the beginning, and will probably do it till the end, which is a nuisance for the few people who grow up. G. K. Chesterton The Napoleon of Notting Hill, 1904.
    64. In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since. F. Scott Fitzgerald The Great Gatsby, 1925.
      I would never remember this except for how Tom Carson uses it in Gilligan's Wake.
    65. You better not never tell nobody but God. Alice Walker The Color Purple, 1982.
      I didn't recognize this either but the grammar and the God identified it.
    66. "To be born again," sang Gibreel Farishta tumbling from the heavens, "first you have to die." Salman Rushdie The Satanic Verses, 1988.
      I should have guessed this, even without reading it: the name makes it Muslim Indian, and it could be the beginning of a prayer.
    67. It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and I didn't know what I was doing in New York. Sylvia Plath The Bell Jar, 1963.
      Obvious, but I had to be told, in 10th grade English, who the Rosenbergs were.
    68. Most really pretty girls have pretty ugly feet, and so does Mindy Metalman, Lenore notices, all of a sudden. David Foster Wallace The Broom of the System, 1987.
      Huh. Is this why people hate David Foster Wallace as passionately as those who do, manage to do? Why is this a great line at all, let alone a great first one?
    69. If I am out of my mind, it's all right with me, thought Moses Herzog. Saul Bellow Herzog, 1964.
      Give-away.
    70. Francis Marion Tarwater's uncle had been dead for only half a day when the boy got too drunk to finish digging his grave and a Negro named Buford Munson, who had come to get a jug filled, had to finish it and drag the body from the breakfast table where it was still sitting and bury it in a decent and Christian way, with the sign of its Saviour at the head of the grave and enough dirt on top to keep the dogs from digging it up. Flannery O'Connor The Violent Bear it Away, 1960.
      Another that I should have guessed: miserable Southern poverty and Christianity should have led me to at least the author.
    71. Granted: I am an inmate of a mental hospital; my keeper is watching me, he never lets me out of his sight; there's a peephole in the door, and my keeper's eye is the shade of brown that can never see through a blue-eyed type like me. G&uum;nter Grass The Tin Drum, 1959; trans. Ralph Manheim.
      The mental hospital and blue eye weren't good enough clues for me.
    72. When Dick Gibson was a little boy he was not Dick Gibson. Stanley Elkin The Dick Gibson Show, 1971.
      Would have been a give-away if I had known about this book.
    73. Hiram Clegg, together with his wife Emma and four friends of the faith from Randolph Junction, were summoned by the Spirit and Mrs. Clara Collins, widow of the beloved Nazarene preacher Ely Collins, to West Condon on the weekend of the eighteenth and nineteenth of April, there to await the End of the World. Robert Coover The Origin of the Brunists, 1966.
      I thought this was a Faulkner, given the dates and the Southern-feeling names.
    74. She waited, Kate Croy, for her father to come in, but he kept her unconscionably, and there were moments at which she showed herself, in the glass over the mantel, a face positively pale with the irritation that had brought her to the point of going away without sight of him. Henry James The Wings of the Dove, 1902.
      This author's style is evident but luckily I have spared myself familiarity with him. Perhaps the character's name makes it a give-away, but not for me.
    75. In the late summer of that year we lived in a house in a village that looked across the river and the plain to the mountains. Ernest Hemingway A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
      Another obvious style that I should have recognized. Why is it a great line?
    76. "Take my camel, dear," said my Aunt Dot, as she climbed down from this animal on her return from High Mass. Rose Macaulay The Towers of Trebizond, 1956.
    77. He was an inch, perhaps two, under six feet, powerfully built, and he advanced straight at you with a slight stoop of the shoulders, head forward, and a fixed from-under stare which made you think of a charging bull. Joseph Conrad Lord Jim, 1900.
      I guessed McTeague, even though I think he was taller than six feet and Norris seldom describes him without mentioning his being blond; at least they're both naturalists. Hm, RDC says Heart of Darkness is modernist, but I think Conrad is too early to be modern--how can anything pre-WWI be modern except Picasso?--and both Kurtz and Willard are victims of Nature.
    78. The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there. L. P. Hartley The Go-Between, 1953.
    79. On my naming day when I come 12 I gone front spear and kilt a wyld boar he parbly ben the las wyld pig on the Bundel Downs any how there hadnt ben none for a long time befor him nor I aint looking to see none agen. Russell Hoban Riddley Walker, 1980.
    80. Justice? You get justice in the next world in this world you have the law. William Gaddis, A Frolic of His Own1994.
    81. Vaughan died yesterday in his last car-crash. J. G. Ballard Crash, 1973.
      I guessed, but that was a big clue. The line sets up the book but is not great.
    82. I write this sitting in the kitchen sink. Dodie Smith I Capture the Castle, 1948.
      Obvious and great: sets up the tone and the story and pulls you in.
    83. "When your mama was the geek, my dreamlets," Papa would say, "she made the nipping off of noggins such a crystal mystery that the hens themselves yearned toward her, waltzing around her, hypnotized with longing." Katherine Dunn Geek Love, 1983.
      This is truly one of the best first lines ever.
    84. In the last years of the Seventeenth Century there was to be found among the fops and fools of the London coffee-houses one rangy, gangling flitch called Ebenezer Cooke, more ambitious than talented, and yet more talented than prudent, who, like his friends-in-folly, all of whom were supposed to be educating at Oxford or Cambridge, had found the sound of Mother English more fun to game with than her sense to labor over, and so rather than applying himself to the pains of scholarship, had learned the knack of versifying, and ground out quires of couplets after the fashion of the day, afroth with Joves and Jupiters, aclang with jarring rhymes, and string-taut with similes stretched to the snapping-point. John Barth The Sot-Weed Factor, 1960.
    85. When I finally caught up with Abraham Trahearne, he was drinking beer with an alcoholic bulldog named Fireball Roberts in a ramshackle joint just outside of Sonoma, California, drinking the heart right out of a fine spring afternoon. James Crumley The Last Good Kiss, 1978.
    86. It was just noon that Sunday morning when the sheriff reached the jail with Lucas Beauchamp though the whole town (the whole county too for that matter) had known since the night before that Lucas had killed a white man. William Faulkner Intruder in the Dust, 1948.
    87. I, Tiberius Claudius Drusus Nero Germanicus This-that-and-the-other (for I shall not trouble you yet with all my titles) who was once, and not so long ago either, known to my friends and relatives and associates as "Claudius the Idiot," or "That Claudius," or "Claudius the Stammerer," or "Clau-Clau-Claudius" or at best as "Poor Uncle Claudius," am now about to write this strange history of my life; starting from my earliest childhood and continuing year by year until I reach the fateful point of change where, some eight years ago, at the age of fifty-one, I suddenly found myself caught in what I may call the "golden predicament" from which I have never since become disentangled. Robert Graves I, Claudius, 1934.
      Give-away, and great.
    88. Of all the things that drive men to sea, the most common disaster, I've come to learn, is women. Charles Johnson Middle Passage, 1990.
    89. I am an American, Chicago born--Chicago, that somber city-and go at things as I have taught myself, free-style, and will make the record in my own way: first to knock, first admitted; sometimes an innocent knock, sometimes a not so innocent. Saul Bellow The Adventures of Augie March, 1953.
    90. The towers of Zenith aspired above the morning mist; austere towers of steel and cement and limestone, sturdy as cliffs and delicate as silver rods. Sinclair Lewis Babbitt, 1922.
      The town name reminded me.
    91. I will tell you in a few words who I am: lover of the hummingbird that darts to the flower beyond the rotted sill where my feet are propped; lover of bright needlepoint and the bright stitching fingers of humorless old ladies bent to their sweet and infamous designs; lover of parasols made from the same puffy stuff as a young girl's underdrawers; still lover of that small naval boat which somehow survived the distressing years of my life between her decks or in her pilothouse; and also lover of poor dear black Sonny, my mess boy, fellow victim and confidant, and of my wife and child. But most of all, lover of my harmless and sanguine self. John Hawkes Second Skin, 1964.
      Never heard of it, but this makes me want to read it: a good first line.
    92. He was born with a gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad. Raphael Sabatini Scaramouche, 1921.
      Another I had barely heard of and now want to read.
    93. Psychics can see the color of time it's blue. Ronald Sukenick Blown Away, 1986.
    94. In the town, there were two mutes and they were always together. Carson McCullers The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, 1940.
      Obvious.
    95. Once upon a time two or three weeks ago, a rather stubborn and determined middle-aged man decided to record for posterity, exactly as it happened, word by word and step by step, the story of another man for indeed what is great in man is that he is a bridge and not a goal, a somewhat paranoiac fellow unmarried, unattached, and quite irresponsible, who had decided to lock himself in a room a furnished room with a private bath, cooking facilities, a bed, a table, and at least one chair, in New York City, for a year 365 days to be precise, to write the story of another person--a shy young man about of 19 years old-who, after the war the Second World War, had come to America the land of opportunities from France under the sponsorship of his uncle-a journalist, fluent in five languages-who himself had come to America from Europe Poland it seems, though this was not clearly established sometime during the war after a series of rather gruesome adventures, and who, at the end of the war, wrote to the father his cousin by marriage of the young man whom he considered as a nephew, curious to know if he the father and his family had survived the German occupation, and indeed was deeply saddened to learn, in a letter from the young man-a long and touching letter written in English, not by the young man, however, who did not know a damn word of English, but by a good friend of his who had studied English in school-that his parents both his father and mother and his two sisters one older and the other younger than he had been deported they were Jewish to a German concentration camp Auschwitz probably and never returned, no doubt having been exterminated deliberately X * X * X * X, and that, therefore, the young man who was now an orphan, a displaced person, who, during the war, had managed to escape deportation by working very hard on a farm in Southern France, would be happy and grateful to be given the opportunity to come to America that great country he had heard so much about and yet knew so little about to start a new life, possibly go to school, learn a trade, and become a good, loyal citizen. Raymond Federman Double or Nothing, 1971.
      The End.
    96. Time is not a line but a dimension, like the dimensions of space. Margaret Atwood Cat's Eye, 1988.
      A nice companion for The End of the Affair.
    97. He--for there could be no doubt of his sex, though the fashion of the time did something to disguise it-was in the act of slicing at the head of a Moor which swung from the rafters. Virginia Woolf Orlando, 1928.
      Obvious, plus I just read it.
    98. High, high above the North Pole, on the first day of 1969, two professors of English Literature approached each other at a combined velocity of 1200 miles per hour. David Lodge Changing Places, 1975.
      This I should have guessed, by the year and the humor and the professors.
    99. They say when trouble comes close ranks, and so the white people did. Jean Rhys Wide Sargasso Sea, 1966.
      I should have known this.
    100. The cold passed reluctantly from the earth, and the retiring fogs revealed an army stretched out on the hills, resting. Stephen Crane The Red Badge of Courage, 1895.
      This will be my next Project Gutenberg book.