I refer to my parents as a pair (when the rare occasion arises) as TTGT. I like TLAs. TTGT stands for Them the Great and Terrible, as in Oz the Great and Terrible Wizard. The Wizard, you'll remember, is a charlatan who ruled by deceit and fear. And a dog exposes him. (Yes, I refer to the movie. I think the book stinks.)
I wasn't going put her in because I was going to be restrained and never mention
her. Ha. She's my mother. This is what I said about her 970906, when she married BDL: "My mother and I have not particularly got on together
approximately since I began to exercise my capacity for independent thought.
I have come to realize that the sheer and simple fact of my capacity for independent
thought bothers her as much as the thinking I do with it. Colored by the enmity
but powerful and inescapable regardless is the love we bear one another. The
contrast between these two emotions and the veiled words with which we communicate
both are the most frustrating elements of our relationship. There are bright
spots too, of course, and chief among them is my sister, CLH." For the record, I once used to try to discuss with
her our relationship's shortcomings, but she would cut me off each time, no
matter mood or context or setting, chinking the wall between us with a "I
think we have a wonderful relationship." How long was I to beat my head
against that wall? Not that damn long, or that damn vainly.
Oh, and I started to keep a diary when I hated my father and thought my mother
should have reclaimed her birth name after the divorce. That's why I never call
her BJH, but BJW before her second marriage and BJWL now.
My mother is Woody Allen's Zelig. She started to use a seatbelt in the '80s after my grandparents survived an accident because of theirs. When she dated the Dittohead, she didn't fasten her passenger's belt in his car. After him, she wore it again; now with BDL, I hope she continues to.
When my mother told me about BDL, I asked what he does for a living.
"He works at a high school."
Pleased, I replied enthusiastically, "Really! What does he teach?"
Asked a direct question, she could but respond: "He's a janitor."
Which is an honorable profession, except that she tried to evade it. Perhaps
she noticed "high school" because that means "town employee"
and therefore "pension" (which she did list as one of his many additional
desirable qualities).
But I was thinking, "Those who can, do; those who can't, teach; those who
can't teach, teach gym; those who can't teach gym, clean up after those who
do." He seems like an okay guy though, and even quit smoking.
My father and I get on much better now than we did after my parents' divorce. I was in sixth grade; I didn't speak to him voluntarily or civilly until I was a freshling in college (when he officially thoroughly but not permanently moved back into my mother's house). Now I am capable of accepting our relationship without resenting him. The difference between how I feel about him and how I do about my mother is that he doesn't presume a relationship that doesn't exist. He just is, and he loves me as I am (as my mother does not), and he's so much happier with SMW that I wish each of my parents had started out with their current partner and spared my sister and me their marriage. He is flawed, of course. He once said to my sister, who had said something about self-confidence, "I don't know why you girls think you have self-esteem problems." I know he meant it as a compliment, but let us count the flaws: We "girls" think we have low self-esteem but he thinks otherwise so clearly we don't. That's three. CLH was able to respond, both immediately and to him (instead of only later realizing, and discussing it only with her sister), "Do you think our upbringing had no effect on us?" He can also be extremely sweet. He has sent me flowers for my past three birthdays, at work of course for maximum bragging rights. He does love us very much.
His girlfriend is very sweet. I had not met her and had not met her and she didn't even seem to resent not being invited to my wedding (which I might have done if my mother's boyfriend hadn't been such a prick but probably not anyway) and finally I met her 28 December 1999. She has the most comforting pleasant voice (which I knew) and now I can put a face to it. She also has fantastic hazel eyes.
Last modified: 26 December 2000
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